Idiot Compassion
From Pema Chodron: Idiot Compassion is a great expression, which was actually coined by Trungpa Rinpoche. It refers to something we all do a lot of and call it compassion. In some ways, it’s what's called enabling. It’s the general tendency to give people what they want because you can’t bear to see them suffering.
Basically, you’re not giving them what they need. You’re trying to get away from your feeling of I can’t bear to see them suffering. I also note that many times the person is lying to you to get what they want, so one has to navigate the realization that the person is so confused, that they cannot actually communicate honestly or know what it is that would actually be positive for them. How can a person be honest if they are lying to themselves to avoid fear and pain?
In other words, you’re doing it for yourself. You’re not really doing it for them.
When you get clear on this kind of thing, setting good boundaries and so forth, you know that if someone is violent, for instance, and is being violent towards you—to use that as the example—it’s not the compassionate thing to keep allowing that to happen, allowing someone to keep being able to feed their violence and their aggression. So of course, they’re going to freak out and be extremely upset. And it will be quite difficult for you to go through the process of actually leaving the situation. But that’s the compassionate thing to do. Note that compassionate actions may require great changes be made, and effort applied.
It’s the compassionate thing to do for yourself, because you’re part of that dynamic, and before you always stayed. So now you’re going to do something frightening, groundless, and quite different. But it’s the compassionate thing to do for yourself, rather than stay in a demeaning, destructive, abusive relationship. And it’s the most compassionate thing you can do for them too.
They will certainly not thank you for it, and they will certainly not be glad. They’ll go through a lot. But if there’s any chance for them to wake up or start to work on their side of the problem, their abusive behavior or whatever it might be, that’s the only chance, is for you to actually draw the line and get out of there. We all know a lot of stories of people who had to hit that kind of bottom, where the people that they loved stopped giving them the wrong kind of compassion and just walked out. Then sometimes that wakes a person up and they start to do what they need to do.
Spirit of Conservation, Virtue Ethics
The Spirit of Discipline is the same as the Spirit of Conservation and is what moves one from confusion to clarity in making accurate assessments in life circumstances in the effective direction and focus of one's personal time and energy. Personal discernment is a skill that is the result of the Spirit of Discipline. The behavioral imbalances, the Negative Ego mental disease, the broken systems, the disconnected automaton “machine” mentality are apparent in the 3D environment. Without a rudder, without direction, many people feel utter confusion in the midst of accelerating chaotic energies.
Finding clarity from within this massive confusion requires awareness of negative patterns and their attachments and then the focused discipline of one's Ego/Personality to clear them from controlling one's behavior into impulsive and destructive actions. The Spirit of Conservation is the antidote to Gluttony and Waste.[1]